It's certainly clichéd and commonplace at this point in average suburban conversation, but it genuinely seems as if the passage of time is steadily increasing; the start of december felt like it was only just a week prior to now. And yet, here we are, approximately 25 hours from the 25th. Which is why I find it valuable to talk about this venture I'm pursuing.
If I had a more solid framework for how I'd like to approach this whole process, I think I might be able to materialize a comparison as to if I underperformed or overperformed in terms of my expectations for these projects. But that's exactly the problem: I have nothing. No schedule, no plans, no objectives, and most importantly, no expectations. I don't have a good framework for how I'd like to go about doing stuff, and that (to current me) is the precise reason why the majority of my online content is this very small blog with not a lot to it.
In an ideal world, I'd have posted at least a dozen videos, written much more often and with more quality in my article website, and had every part of this website up and running. But instead, both due to a lack of drive and the looming expectations of a university, I've made two videos in five months, written five articles in that same time, and used exclusively this medium to show ideas to an extremely concentrated and miniscule audience.
Which is precisely why I'm crafting a bit of a schedule to the work and the releasing of these projects, at least as a motivating factor. I don't have a new year's resolution for this, because I fear that same lack of drive will rear yet again if I fail on one mark. Yet if I have a theme to the year, this sort of system can work itself out in a much better way. The route of organization, production, and full (to a likeable extent) completion of a task seems to be the factors lacking; those which desperately need a route adjustment.
And so, with this in mind–and the help of that C.G.P. Grey video I have hyperlinked–I've decided to land upon a theme:
If I can be honest, I don't know what this will bring— but that is precisely the point as I see it. It's functionally impossible to plan for the known and unknown events that unfold throughout the year, which is why resolutions seem to fail so inevitably. Keeping that theme of consistency in what I do, no matter the subject, will keep me on track. Right now that means creating that schedule, and keeping myself tied to these expectations. But because that might not work out, that theme is still there, egging me on to keep going with what I'd like to do. It explicitly doesn't have to be what past me would have liked for current me to do. That's the point— and that's the only real, actionable goal.
merry christmas :)